What to do after a breakup. You broke up. Now what?
It is a fair question, and actually a great starting point no matter what kind of relationship you are coming out of. Rather than focusing on what you lost, now is the time to embrace what you’ve gained. Replace all of the frustration and disappointment with hope for a better future, and reclaim the liberty you lost while you were tied down to the wrong person.
1. Reclaim Your Space
From your phone to your social media profile to your home, it is time to clean house. Get rid of your past visually, and watch it take up less real estate in your head by default. Get rid of the things you bought together and replace them with items you love. Become honed in on what makes you you and honor it.
If you moved to a new place after the breakup, you have an ideal situation on your hands. You are better off on an air mattress alone than in a king sized bed with the wrong person. Embrace your situation no matter where it has taken you and slowly or quickly make it your own. Decorate the way you like to decorate, get back into hobbies you may have put on the back burner, start wearing clothing that you may have steered clear of during your relationship.
Every person’s journey is unique, but on theme rings true for all. You need to feel like your own person again.
2. Occupy Your Mind
If you feel yourself tempted to drift into depression or wanting to talk to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, it is a clear sign that you have too much time on your hands. If you can add more work onto your plate, get a second part time job. Start volunteering or doing something that moves you spiritually and emotionally. Make use of your time in a way that makes you additional income or fulfills you in another way, and your heartbreak will turn into fuel you are ready to burn in your pursuit of a better tomorrow.
You don’t need to stay in overdrive forever, but sometimes you need something pressing on your mind to keep it from going to places you don’t want it to go. Discipline is key. You must keep forward momentum, and you have to discover what truly motivates you as an individual. Maybe you take on a financial challenge to work more and pay off debts. You will feel proud of yourself when you meet your goals and will see that you do have the power to positively shift your life in the direction you’d like it to go. You need to believe in yourself and feel the freedom that comes with true independence.
3. Have a Social Life
The truth is you probably lost the person you considered to be your best friend. You had a constant companion and now you don’t. You need to lean into this in a positive way. When you are in a long term relationship you don’t always have the time and energy it takes to maintain friendships. When you are single, you have more to give. You need human connection and you never know where those connections will lead. Be open to spending time with others. Try new classes and activities that may interest you and if you see an opportunity to travel or try a new experience, take it.
You need to feel excited about life and you need exposure to new possibilities. Spend extra time with family if you can, and be willing to go to happy hours and events you may have previously said no to.
4. Date Intentionally
Be open to dating again, but do so with a different mindset this time. If you aren’t ready for a serious relationship right away, that’s okay. Be open to at least meeting people to give yourself a chance to keep exploring what you do and don’t like. Whether you are ready for something serious or not, you need to have your standards and needs very clear and you need to be willing to be honest and up front about it. If you know that not wanting kids is a deal breaker for you, go ahead and bring that conversation up on a first date. The reality is, you have nothing to lose, and you can’t scare the right one away if you tried.
5. Become the Best Version of Yourself
You are your greatest investment. A better you literally creates a better world around you. Did focusing on fixing a broken relationship leave you neglecting yourself or key aspects of your life? It is time to take inventory and take action. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. As a result, your life will dramatically change for the better. You never needed someone else to fill those voids. You had what it took all along!
Begin again
This is the ending of a chapter, not the end of your life. Slowly you will feel more in touch with yourself. You will fall in love again, and this time you will be prepared to make better informed decisions about who you would like to share your life with and what that life together would look like.
In all aspects of life it is important to stay rooted in reality. Why spend time focusing on closed doors instead of opening new ones? You gave your all to the relationship while it was yours, and that wasn’t enough to stop it from ending. So now, what do you have to lose? You’ve already given that path too much time and energy. Don’t you think it is time to start focusing on your true needs?
What you’re asking for is not too much, it simply wasn’t the right fit, and that’s okay. This chapter may be scary, but it is a transition, and a positive one. Embrace the adventure!