Being in a relationship is not something like – you build it once and then you can rely on it that it will be standing forever. A relationship is a living thing you need to attend to and take care on a daily basis. Some of the building blocks are – good communication, honesty, and trust, friendship, cooperation, intimacy and sex, sincere wish and dedication for a relationship to work etc.
Being in a relationship is a decision that requires daily dedication for maintaining it almost all the time – it’s like driving a car – fall asleep and the next thing is the crash.
In case you haven’t heard about it, Gary Chapman wrote a book (The 5 Languages of Love). In a nutshell, it says that each person has a love tank that needs to be filled up every day. Your love tank can be mainly filled up by your main love language which can be categorized to – words of affirmation, quality time, service, gifts or physical touch. If you need advice on your next step contact this adult phone chat service with free trials that will let you talk to someone that’s in the field.
Each person has their receiving and giving love language which can be different or the same. The problem lies when the person you love “speaks” another language to you. For example, the woman feels most loved when he compliments her or says ‘I love you’. But for the man, his giving love language is physical touch. So for him, because he’s hugging and kissing her, he’s already showing how much he loves her. But for her, since she needs to hear his words of affirmation, she may know he loves her, but she might end up not feeling it.
Just imagine 2 people, one speaking in English, another in Japanese. Even if both of them are saying ‘I love you’, if the other wouldn’t learn the other’s language, there will be no understanding. The conversation wouldn’t work nor even last for an hour.
There is no sure fire way to avoid hurting someone’s feelings when calling it quits with someone you thought would work as a lifetime partner. It sounds like you care about this person, but do not have romantic feelings toward them anymore. That is perfectly normal in relationships as people stop paying attention and caring like they did when they first entered the relationship.
It’s hard to find an easy and hurtless way to break up with someone, however, there are some ways that will make it acceptable:
Have the Conversation in Person:
If at all possible, try to have the break-up conversation in person (exceptions include: living across the country or world or other extreme circumstances). Often tone is lost in text messages, and even on the phone, and doing it in person demonstrates a recognition of the importance of the relationship, even if this might be less appealing to the person doing the breaking up.
Use a Clear Language and “I” Statements:
Stick to “I” statements and kind, but firm language. Assuming you are 100% sure of your decision, the less ambiguity, the easier it will be for the other person to move on. Avoid telling the person that “it’s for the best” or “you don’t want to hurt them”. The reality is that this is what *you* want, but you really have no idea whether or not this is in their best interest or not. Chances are, if they thought it was in their best interest, they would have already broken up with you. It also leaves room for them to argue with you about what’s in their best interest and gives the false idea that if it wasn’t in their best interest, that somehow you would be open to continuing the relationship.
This is not the time rehash every single thing the person did that drove you away. Hopefully, the two of you have discussed the issues in the relationship many times in an effort to improve them, and you have made the decision that relationship is not working for you. Either way, it is likely that the person is already in emotional pain from the breakup, and won’t be able to process any additional “constructive” feedback or comments.
It can be tempting to try to soften the blow by suggesting that you both be “friends”. While there are certainly people who remain friends with their ex, many people have a hard time with this (especially at the beginning when feelings are still very fresh), and it can make it harder for them to move on from the relationship initially. If you actually want to be friends with the person, you can tell them this. However, keep in mind that this may blur the boundaries initially and they may continue trying to win you back. It is often more humane to end the relationship completely, which can be extremely painful for both of you but often makes it much easier to move on and meet partners that are better suited for both of you.
The Point Is…
While it is impossible to control how another person feels especially if you are breaking up with them, there are definitely better ways to end a relationship. It is important to respect the relationship, and the other person, enough to try to have this conversation in person, be clear about your intentions, and to be as kind, but firm as possible. Breaking up is never easy, and it takes more guts to do it the right way, versus the avoidant way of “ghosting” on someone. When in doubt, think about how you would want someone to treat you if they were breaking up with you.
The worst thing that you can do to a person who loves you the most is, breaking everything and leaving him, with unanswered calls, unreturned texts and unanswered why’s. That will literally kill him every day. You may do it in the best interest for both. But please remember that there are very few people on this planet who love people selflessly and unconditionally.
Love or any relationship has its ups and downs. But it is us who need to fight for the ones we really care about and who mean the world to us. Everyone is going to hurt you some way or the other, but the thing is we need to decide, who are worth fighting for. Love may happen again. You will never realize the importance and value of something till it is lost. So kindly ensure you don’t lose that special person before it is too late. My two cents.